Monday, February 6, 2012
My own special judge
Yep. I have one. Its a personal, special part of myself that I let run rampant at times, telling me what the think or do, or what to believe about something someone else said. As much as I dislike this part of me, it's part of me Sometimes my judge has good things to say, making me feel special, and sometimes it has less than productive things to say, urging me to feel like I'm not so bright, too much something or too little something else. All these opinions/judgements based on something I can't even identify with the same mind that has created the judge in the first place. I can see [meaning, I can understand] that this is fiction, and yet I can't really take that fiction to heart and just plain fire the judge altogether. As much as I love my life, this continues to haunt me.
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2 comments:
Ego. And yes you can fire it.
I recently fired my ego. What I found I couldn't do was shake my feelings of inadequacy around certain people. You see, I never finished college and when I am around a certain group of women I'm always afraid I'm going to say something stupid, so I find myself just sitting there listening. For a very long time I felt I needed to be around people I knew weren't as smart as I am just to feel validated in some way. Elevating myself above someone less fortunate is not my idea of a practicing spiritual being. Therefore I had to fire my ego.
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