What Love Is

I know what love is.  It's big.  Anytime loves looks small to you, it's not really love.  Anytime something holds you back, or constrains you in any way, it's not love.  Anyone who tells you they love you and attempts to keep you from fully expressing who you are does not love you.  When you feel full, expansive, free, generous, happy.... then look for love.  I'm not convinced we can really feel another person's love in the way they want to give it... I only know that we can feel our own.  Often it is unexpressibly immense.... at which point we as pitiful humans lose all our words.

Being small

My mother is the master of taking up less space in the world than she deserves.  Growing up, I watched this powerful woman put herself down, defer to the men in her life and generally deny her own greatness.  I could tell she wanted to be bigger, to be more in charge of her own life, but she never spoke that out loud.  She has yet to show the joy that comes with claiming her space in the world.  She seems resigned to being the quietly suffering victim, denying the forgiveness for herself and others that would set her free.  I am very glad that she is my mother and very healthy.; it makes me sad that she is not happier.  She has inspired my work.

Life's Little Challenges

Sometimes life just shows up as a big surprise.  Out of nowhere, something occurs or a new person appears that just sort of makes you stop in your tracks.  You get a chance to take a deep breath, look at what's going on and say to yourself "Wow, what do I do now?"  This may feel uncomfortable, because you may be asked to move into some new territory, it may feel like 'this again?', it may feel like you just want to run away.  OK; take that good deep breath and sit still for a minute.  Open your mind and your heart to the possibility built into the challenge.  Create your own resonse, make up something new, do that thing differently, decide to treat that new person like you've never treated another person.  It's your life, make it what YOU want.  It's OK to experiment.  Make it yours, make it good.

Vision and Vacuum

It occured to me the other day that if nature abhors a vacuum, and the vision that I've built so far isn't big enough to create space/vacuum between what I am now and my vision, then nature can't help me.... there is no place for the new vision stuff to land.  I've got to go BIG.  Bigger than I have imagined so far.  The result is that I have been able to get very specific about my next car.  I'm not in need of one today, and when I do get one, I now know what it will be.   My ideas so far have just not been exciting enough.  This one is.  The vision has got to be bigger.

Thursday's Banana

It's Sunday.  There is a banana that I picked up on Thursday.  It was the perfect combination of ripe and not yet too ripe.  The perfect color and texture, the perfect weight, hardness/softness, size.  I didn't eat it when it was perfect.  I waited until Friday.... there were a few spots, I didn't pick it up at all, I was busy.  On Saturday the peal appeared with more dark spots and lines along edges... the stem looked a bit thinner.  I didn't pick it up.  I thought to myself  "it's past the point I want to eat it.  I'll put it in a smoothey."  I didn't do that.  It's Sunday, the banana is where I left it on Thursday, looking a bit worse for the wear.  I'm almost afraid to touch it and mostly want to throw it away.  For some people, this banana NOW is perfect.... the perfect color, size, ripeness, texture.  Not for me.  I should have eaten it Thursday, now all I have is regret.

Every morning

Each morning I get 4 regular e mails. Two of them come from my coach trainer, one is an inspirational video, the other is more of a thought provoking idea, or affirmation. The third is usually a beautiful picture of a person or place, with a challenge to really think about what I'm doing in my life. The fourth is sometimes a short story about the weather, or pets or breakfast. My favorite is the fourth. It comes from a person who I know loves me just as I am.  

The key

Recently my mother gave me my father's key to the house.  This is the key to the house I grew up in, where my mother still lives and where I take my kids once a year to see Grandma Jean.  I don't know where she found it, or how long she's been holding on to it.  My dad passed away something short of 15 years ago.  When I hold the key, or see it lying on my counter, I think of him.  It's not my memories of him that I think of, but out of some kind of magic, it's his spirit that comes to mind.  It's those things that I really didn't notice about him when he was living that stay with me now.  How does this happen?  The small things, like the things that would make him smile, or the way he acted when he was being patient with my mom.  The fact that I never heard him raise his voice to anyone in any way that seemed like anger or frustration.  He has been very solid for me my whole life, even since he's been gone.  I'm so happy I am his daughter.  Maybe the key is here to remind me of that.

Make the dream come true

Find out who you are.  If you think you already know, try remembering something you dreamt might happen to you when you were a kid.  Dig deeper into yourself.  Look closely without fear or judgement... who's to know what you see?  Only you decide what to share with others; we can't see into you without your permission, so be brave with your self.  It's the safest place to do it.  What are you afraid of?  When you are focused on what you really want, nothing gets in the way, not even your self.  Do one thing today that scares you. [thanks Eleanor Roosevelt for that idea.]