too long away

It has been too long since I wrote.  I have not looked back see if what I write today repeats itself somewhere else in this log.  Too bad if it does.  I am writing this now.  And maybe that's the only way to think about it.  I'm writing now.  I'm thinking this now, I'm feeling this way about things now, and all that gets blurted onto this empty space.  Poor reader.  Nothing of interest or humour... :)
There are things I can put here that I cannot put in my Facebook page. Of that, I'm certain.  Look for those kinds of things here.
Today's memory quote:  "For being so butch, you sure are gentle with those eggs."  Anyone know who said that to me?  Let me know.  There won't be a prize, just total shock and wonder from me.

Moving On

Moving on and Starting Over seem really similar.  They are both transitional states where things tend to get messy or are confusing.  When that happens, take a deep breath.  Sit still and listen to what the universe has to say about that exact moment.  Don't let the boxes in the corner, or the junk on the counter get the best of you.  They are "in process"... just like life.  Each thing will take care of itself in its own time.  What does the universe have to say?  You are whole and perfect and safe.  Start from there.

Do not ask for whom the bell tolls

One of my readers has passed away.  It was sudden, she was doing something she loved when the heart attack occured; she was talking with someone she loved about a project important to her.  We should all be this lucky.  To pass quickly, and while doing something we love.  I had a conversation with my mother [age 94] about this and the passing of another member of our extended family and she asked "Why?"  The only real answer to that question is that "everybody dies."  "Why now?"  might be a better question, or at least one that we could discuss. I guess the answer to that is: "It was the right time."  No other answer takes the sting out and provides the peace we need to truly appreciate the gift of life and the lessons provided by our loss.  We move forward.

Abundance

I almost forgot about it.  Hard to believe?  Well, not really.  We all have that fear sneak in now and then.  In my mind, I know that I have access to whatever I need whenever I need it.... that I have had the experience of having money show up just at the right time, of the right people showing up to say the right words exactly when I need and can hear them.  In my other mind (that some call their 'heart') where things are softer, more tender, more susceptible to fear [which of course also happens in my mind - how's that for irony?] I falter.  There are things I can do about it.  Talk with others, put up reminders around the house, and read inspiring books instead of watching TV.  I can surround myself with nothing but abundance-affirming information, activities and people.  This doesn't make me less 'human'; it only comes from that human [who is me] exercising her right to choose.

The Number One Dream Killer

You.

Yep. Think about it. You write down your dream in as much detail as you can (it feels good - no, it feels fantastic!) you tell it to a trusted friend (or maybe a few), you start a plan of action to get there...... Then, you begin to talk yourself out of it.

You may say to yourself, 'I don't deserve it.' You might agree with another person's comment that it might be more than you can handle 'right now.' Or you might look at your bank account and just not see the funds to support it. Doubt creeps in, or maybe doubt completely obliterates your dream. These all have happened 'to' me, so I know how it works. The real kicker is that I let it happen... I lost faith in my own dreams, I made the decisions that killed them.

That doubt is your own mental process. You can change the way you think! That's what this dream building business is all about. That's why I do this. You can use you mind/your thoughts to create a reality in which you HAVE what you want as easily as you create the reality in which you don't. Really, it's the same process with a much happier, fulfilling, loving, amazing outcome. I recommend it. :)

Drop the doubt, and pick up possibility! 

Don't dream it, be it

This is actually a line from a song from one of my favorite movies:  Rocky Horror Picture Show.  I know, weird how things get caught in our minds.  Like the line from Star Wars "Fear of loss is the path to the dark side."  I'm not saying these two phrases are connected in any way.  I'm just saying that the things that stick in our minds will guide us.  We can gain awareness of our thoughts by sitting still for a minute and listening for them.  How many times a day do you remind yourself of something?  Without even knowing it.
Be who you are.  Part of that is being aware of your thoughts.  Thoughts become emotions and emotions become actions in the world.  Our actions affect not just ourselves, but everyone around us.  Your dreams become your realities.... Engineer them, work with them to produce exactly the life you love.

Marriage

As some of you may know, I am not the biggest proponent of marriage for anyone.... Straight, gay or otherwise inclined.  I haven't experienced many long term marriages in which both partners are happy and loving toward each other a majority of the time.  At best, most couples in the marriage contract tolerate each other after the first several years and become highly skilled at compromise (never good for the soul). I am always cautiously optimistic when I learn that my friends are getting married and I love how happy they are at their weddings.  If all couples had to stay together for 10 years (a completely arbitrary number; my first instinct was to say 30 years) before they got married, I think there would be a lot fewer divorces.
The celebrations of the first same-sex couples in Minnesota that particularly touch me are those of the couples who have been together for 30+ years.  You gotta know those folks are committed and likely still in love.  The public recognition and legitimacy now afforded these people is priceless...as marriage should be.  Of course if we made everyone wait 10 years, there might also be fewer children. Which might not be a bad thing either, given the global population problem.  Don't get me started on that...
Sunday morning mind ramblings.....always a crap-shoot.

Good Enough

Sometimes things are good enough.  Once I heard that a good artist knows when to stop.  I'm thinking about this today because my house isn't yet in its ideal condition and I am going to have company for the next two weeks.  Part of the vinyl is still not cleaned perfectly, and there are still boxes sitting at the end of the hallway.  The company I'm having will barely notice, and they are the kind of people who will help me to take care of some of the tasks I have left over from the move.  I am so thankful for that!  So, it's good enough for now; this is just how it is until it gets to the next stage.  My focus is now turned to enjoying my people.  :)

Do the thing

You have a dream, a vision or how you want your life to be.  It can be that way. You can't just wish it into existence, you can't just think about it or pray about it.  You have to take action in small ways and in large ways sometimes.  In my experience the small ways can be most powerful.  Make a decision today to do something that moves you toward the life you would REALLY LOVE living.  Set the image of that life in your mind, look around you and see what can be done right now with things you have in your life right here. Do that thing.

I forgot

How easy it is to make coffee.  How much I love walking the dog.  How nice it is to have my patio under foot and enjoy the amazing artwork there.  How good it feels to know I don't have to travel this weekend, or next weekend, or any weekend unless I want to.
I did NOT forget how many amazing people I have in my life, how fortunate I am to meet new wonderful people wherever I go, and how full my heart is with the possibility presented in each moment.
I am happy.  Thanks to you.

Home

For the first time in 6 years all of my stuff is in one place.  Things are not so different now, except that I am 6 years older, have more grey hair and some extra weight. Only one dog came home with me, and he is deaf.  Tuck is still a great companion, and sticks close to me when I am home.  The vinyl floors aren't good for chasing his toys, so we do that in the bedroom where it's carpeted.

It is amazing how many toothbrushes I have!  Along with partially used tubes of toothpaste, bottles of shower gel and shampoos.  I have a suitcase for every length trip imaginable, and doubles if not triples on electronic stuff... chargers, laptops, cases for those, head sets, TVs.  I intend to donate a bunch of this to the Boys and Girls Clubs [they will come pick it up!] or pass it along to others in need.  I am holding a couple of things for people who have been staying at my house in my absence, and hope to give those back soon, too.

I just want to take all the clothes in my closet and give them away.  While I've been working out of town, I've had a pretty scaled-back household... It will take awhile, and I know this place will start looking like me again soon.

I so appreciate that the house is here for me and has helped others to get on their feet while I've been away.  It's good to be home.

Monday Morning

Wake up people!!!  Good grief.  I walked into my workplace this morning with a woman who acted like she really didn't want to be here.  Took her time getting out of her car, moved really slowly in the hallway, I held the elevator for her... She said: "Another Monday..." like she was heading toward torture.  Then, "but Friday is pay day."  Like that made it all worth it.
You've seen people act this way, maybe it's been you [I know I've done almost that same thing....].  Sometimes we feel like slaves to the paycheck, inconvenienced by the requirement that we work at a job that is seemingly under the control and direction of someone else.  Well, it doesn't have to be that way.  "Another Monday!" can mean that we are grateful to have gainful employment [in this case, indoors and climate controlled....], doing something that we have the mental and physical capacity to do.  YEA!  Each day at work is an opportunity to contribute our talents to make the world a better place.  Every employer wants to do a good job, to provide goods or services that are marketable, make people happy, or promote the ideals and ethics of the organization.  I can't think of any enterprise whose goal it is to bring purposeful destruction upon individuals or the planet.
Anyway, I missed an opportunity for a good [one-floor] elevator conversation because I was so stunned at the lack of energy in this woman.  But, maybe, spending 30 seconds with someone who smiled will help.

Excitement!

Recently I've been really happy.  I feel free.  I still have my house payments, my regular bills, my commitments to people... and still I feel that within those conditions, I am free to decide how to be with them.  My life is my choice.  Always.  I know that whatever comes up, I can handle it.  Whoever needs me I will be able to help.  I have access to abundance in all areas of life.  I welcome that, and am deeply grateful for those in my world who are like minded.  You are the best.

Taking a Risk

I cannot remember a time when taking a risk did not result in something amazing!  It seems to always take a lot [of whatever is needed to decide for the risk] and in the end, it's always worth whatever I have given up.  Sometimes it takes courage... well, I guess EVERY time it takes courage plus something else; time or money or humility or forgiveness.  When we take a risk, we take a step toward expanding our lives, toward finding more freedom, or joy, or love, or peace.  Do something 'outside the envelope' today.

Good Morning

Sunday morning....  I wake up to Tuck's 'good morning and feed me please' attentions.  Today that included jumping on me and licking my nose.... not the best when you're trying to breathe.  He really is 7 [not 14, as advertised], and doing well since losing his sibling last fall.  But I digress...
Text my friend, check my e-mail and Facebook.  The expected messages from my coaching program, LOTS of Facebook updates, and the distraction of things that need to be packed... after moving some things around and into a box or two, I have some breakfast and turn on Pandora... yea!  better than any radio, ever.  Now, music that matches my mood to get things done. 
On my list for today....[aren't you glad I shared?] pack the stuff in kitchen I don't use,  pack the stuff in the closets I don't use... play some guitar hero before packing up the Wii... poop scoop, clean the guest bathroom, put more stuff into the pile to give away or take to the Salvation Army.  Yes, even though they aren't very gay-friendly I believe they help people.  Re-do a flyer for a Vision Workshop and get it printed.  I'd better get started!

Being Here

It's Sunday morning and I'm at the house in Carson City.  It's sunny.  I might take a motorcycle ride later up to Virginia City.  There are lots of other places to go, too... Reno, Lake Tahoe, Dayton... [that's a joke].  I might stay in and read.  I might go to a movie.  I might just play with my dog.  I don't know. What I do know is that I am very happy to be here and that whatever I chose, I know it's my choice.  I create my life.  No one else does that but me.  So, today I choose..... under anything that may happen... I choose to be grateful and open and just here.

Empty time

Appreciate it.  Use it to get your thinking in line again with who you are.  Take a walk.  I remember that the empty time I have while walking is some of the most creative-mind time I have.  It brings me back to me.

80 Years Apart

And they get along just fine.  I am pleased with my peeps.  :)

Response

We cannot hold onto things we love... everything and everyone is in motion all the time. Holding on is the biggest disservice we can do. Hold open space instead, for the things we love to land and rest and move on with grace.

Anxious

You know, when Facebook asks "How are you feeling?" in that space at the top of your home page... Today the word that came to mind was 'anxious'... not like anxiety, but like excitement.  Lots of things going on in the world [my world] right now that are challenging me to re-think, re-focus, re-commit.  Sometimes it feels like there's so much, I can't handle it.  Other times, I am able to just take that breath and do the one thing that is at the top of the pile.  I guess I'll stick to that, it seems to work, and eventually everything comes to the top of the pile.

WOW

For lots of reasons.  Wow.

Touching

Pay attention to those things that touch your heart.  Invite those things in.  Be brave enough to have the experience of complete immersion in love, compassion and your own open heart.  It's only human.

Gone Missing

Into the incredibly fun world of humorous music... Started with the Weird Al Yankovic channel on Pandora, found by my kid during winter vacation.  Funny zombies, Particle Man, The Help Desk song, Crazy ABCs... If I had a Million Dollars....  Things aren't always serious, and it's cool that some great music has been created to help us laugh and make some fun of ourselves.  Laugh at yourself at least once today... if you pay close enough attention, you'll find something funny, I'm sure.  A is for aisle...